GATORS, hurricane cash grabs, pool noodle mud duels, and a few beers in the sun.
Welcome to the Florida Man games, dubbed “The Red Neck Olympics” by one local St. Augustine competitor who was part of team Hanky Spanky, one of 12 aiming to land a $5,000 winners jackpot and a commemorative WWE-style championship belt.
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Over 5,000 flocked to see the creation of what organizer Pete Melfi hopes will become an annual event in a state where bizarre tales of reptiles and boozy behavior have been written into legend.
All interested parties had to put together an audition tape for Melfi – the Cooter Commandos, from Citrus County, sent over footage of backyard wrestling and other Jackass-type frolics.
Larry Donnelly, used his contacts from his time in the Navy, to hire a tank and asked his wife to drive it down the street while his pals all downed beers.
They also raced lawnmowers down the street.
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“I told some Marines I wanted it for this big ass event and they were like ‘dude, let’s do it,” Larry laughed. “Our audition was the best.”
Both tapes did the trick and put them in the race to win the inaugural Florida Man Games.
“We have been making silly videos and weird content for the last few years ago,” said Michael Sylvester, a lawyer, who competed under the name of Lot Lizard Louie.
“It just felt natural to compete.”
Brute strength was needed not to be dumped into the muddy water during the opening pool noodle battle, yet when it came to the cash grab in a typical, Floridian gale force wind, Michael ensured nothing was left to chance.
Not only did he look up on YouTube “how to pick up money in a hurricane,” he also brought a tub of Vaseline which his wife helped smear over his arms, hoping for some cash sticking.
He ended up stuffing everything under his shirt and ran out winner having collected $1192 of fake notes which Melfi converted into real dollars to spend on a tournament debrief in a local bar once the sun went down.
“I had to be ready for this,” Michael smiled.
For his efforts, Michael ultimately ended up coming in third place.
American Gladiator legend Dan ‘Nitro’ Clark was drafted in from Los Angeles along with fellow co-star Lori “Ice” Fetrick.
“This reminds me of Gladiators back in the day,” Clark told The U.S. Sun. “It felt like this. We all had mullets!”
“It was a similar thing though,” he added. “The mindset is we are going to try this thing out, and after we do it a couple of times, let’s see how we can change it and whether anyone gets broken. The unpredictability is what it’s all about.”
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St. Augustine claims to be the oldest city in the U.S. – but the quaint old place has probably seen nothing like this.
Local Justin Carter, supping on a non-alcoholic beer in preparation for his roaring into battle, said the games perfectly encapsulate the “Florida way of life.”
“Drinking beer, having fun, cheering on everybody, and getting out there, ” he said, fresh from competing in the Eat the Butt event, a race to see who can stuff the most pork in their mouths.
“Florida man has been around for ages, but no one ever thought about turning it into a redneck Olympics.”
Other events include the evading arrest obstacle course, where contestants have to earn their freedom by jumping over fences and through backyards away from actual police officers.
The people who paid $55 a ticket definitely enjoyed themselves, hurling plenty of banter around as the wild events drew excited crowds.
“Helmets are for losers, ” one shouted as the noodle duel began. “We want some concussions.”
It wasn’t all about madcap events, a reptile display from a reptile zoo brought out some tiny gators and ridiculously scary spiders.
At one point, Brad from Gatorland was explaining to the crowd about the dangers of the black scorpion in his hand, which he then proceeded to drop very close to a photographer sitting on the floor.
“It was an accident, honest,” he said with a smile.
There was also a Florida Ma’am beauty contest and a mullet competition.
For local man Melfi, who owns the 904 media company, the event’s popularity went beyond his wildest dreams.
“We have been planning this for eight months,” he said.
“Most Florida man stories are funny, I love laughter so if I can blend that in with an event where people can drink beer, eat, and have some fun, let’s do it.”
“There’s some real athletic competition going on there,” he added. ” This is the real deal.
Team Hanky Spank took home the top prize of the games, with the team’s leader calling for a return next season so they can defend their championship.
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